As you walk the happening streets of Ballard, you may occasionally overhear some trendy young people talking about something called “Internet.” Internet is like a kind of world-wide computer brain that knows everything. With Internet you can find the answer any question and satisfy any craving, no matter how base and repulsive it may be.
Getting Internet into your home can be tricky, which is why The Naked Loon has compiled this quick guide to getting Internet.
In order to get Internet, you first need to realize what Internet is, and just as importantly, what it is not. It’s not a big truck that you can just back up to your garage or something. You need technology to get Internet.
First, you need to order some Internet to be delivered to your wireless. Call (or telegram) the Internet factory and give them your address. Be specific and include any important landmarks so Internet can find your house as easily as possible.
Next, go to the technology store and buy some wireless. Wireless can cost anywhere between $30.00 and $50 million, but for home Internet you shouldn’t have to spend more than $3,000.
Using the helpful diagram included above in this article, go home and set up your wireless. Don’t worry about plugging in anything—they don’t call it “wireless” for nothing. As you can see, you just have to place the wireless in the middle of your house and it will grab Internet from the planet that floats in the sky and beam it to all your computers.
Finally, once you have Internet, you’ll need to choose an email in order to get anything. Sorry, you can’t have seattlerules@awesomestuff.com, because that is mine. Luckily though there is still a lot of email left to choose from. You could take seattleisgreat@totallycool.com or radicalseattle@thingsthatrock.com, for example.
Once you have Internet in your own home, the possibilities are limited only by your twisted little imagination. Congratulations on your new Internet. Remember: With great megabaud comes great responsibility.
What about howlameisseattle@comparedtocalifornia.com?
Too long?
You did fail to mention that Al ‘the world is burning up’Gore invented this thing you call the internet. He is now running an 800 million dollar investment fraud called “Cap and Trade” which is an extortion scheme whereby companies have to send trillions to his investment fund because of carbon footprints they make all over the place. That’s about as good as Obama buddy, who was convicted in Chicago yesterday of extortion, Tony “the Fist” Rizka. Hey we should all go to StealMoneyandgetawaywithit.com
I’m still confused. If Internet knows everything why do I need to give them my address. Can’t the Internet factory just look ask Internet if I need internet and where I live?
Also, what if I already have Skynet? Is Internet compatible with Skynet?
Once Skynet is operational, we will no longer need any Internet.
Oh and I cannot believe you are saying these mean things about Al Gore. He won a Nobel Prize you know, perhaps the most respected person since Yasser Arafat to win one. And he was almost elected in the 2000 election until the stupid Republicans had to go and actually count all the votes. AND he has the most bitching coal-fired rocket chair that I have ever seen a cartoon drawn of.
The internet…
hmmm…
Is that the one with e-mail?
internet comes in rubber, rock and valence band width packages.